One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with as a type A personality who is also trying to yield my obsession with control to God, is my idea of success. I’ve been given a vision or an idea and I’ll begin planning it, then I’ll get completely stuck when it’s time to put the plan into action because I’m too busy trying to visualize it all the way to the end and I can’t quite see what kind of success it will have. The idea of one of my ventures not being successful can sometimes cripple my entire progress toward its completion. Many of us even work in career fields that encourage this and we let it bleed over into our personal lives as well.
After evaluating my year, I got really frustrated with this. I began beating myself up a bit for being too afraid to move on things I’ve had on my heart for literal years, simply because I was afraid of the outcome not being successful. Then, I paused and asked myself, well what exactly do I consider successful or unsuccessful? Then I answered myself and it all had to do with how other people may perceive my vision. I was so worried that people might not like it, or it might not be as impactful as something similar I had seen, or it wouldn’t get as much attention as I thought was acceptable. All things that you can’t always plan for. As a PR and Marketing professional, it’s very normal for me to think a project all the way through to its impact. But it’s also common for people in my profession to over AND underestimate the impact or reach of a project, leaving you surprised by its success or unsuccessfulness. That was still scary to me so I began thinking more about my idea of success and wanting to revamp this entire idea going into 2018.
There’s a place in the bible where Jesus is speaking to a crowd and woman basically says that Mary’s womb is blessed for having him and Jesus says
“Blessed, rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it.”
Now, though this was in response to a specific statement by a woman in a crowd, it still spoke to me in my dilemma with successfulness. Mary obviously is a blessed woman for her role in bringing us Jesus but Jesus was basically saying, she’s not simply blessed because of what she was able to produce, she’s blessed because when God told her what she was about to do, she was obedient to the instructions. Her obedience alone is her success. That realization has changed my entire outlook on my own success. Though I do want to make sure that the vision God gave me is carried out in a way that has a positive impact on others, my entire success is in my ability to carry out the vision God gave me at all.
In all of my plans for this coming year, my goal is simply to start and finish with the simple purpose of being obedient to God. In that, I truly believe God has full control of the outcome. Whether its impact is “large” or “small” by people’s definition is less important than whether or not I have done what God asked me to do. Last year, I can honestly say I was not obedient to God in all that was placed on my heart and it was simply because I was afraid of failing in people’s eyes. Now, I know, my obedience is my greatest success and it’s far more important for me to be successful in God’s eyes than in anyone else’s. I’m sure, that as a type A person, I will continuously have to struggle with this idea, but my prayer for myself and for everyone else like me, is that we can take more pride in being obedient than being “successful.”